What is Your Biggest Fear?
My answers would be varied and keep changing each year regarding this question, from having fear of falling from the cliff, being on a plane crash, being buried alive, being trapped in poverty, being eaten by the shark, being robbed, being trapped in an isolated island, until losing the ones I love the most.
But there’s one answer that remains the same: I’m afraid of losing myself.
This might sound a selfish and self-centered answer but I’ve been treated my own identity as the most valuable thing among everything. Recalling we live in a circle where we are required to be a people-pleaser, this answer might mind-provoking. One thing that I always keep in mind is the love I have for myself has to be bigger than the love I give to anyone else and I’m extra careful about that. I always keep this one thing in my head that I need to ‘wear my oxygen mask first before helping the others’ (for those who have been traveled on the plane must know this rule). This analogy applied to loving myself.
As time goes by, as I grow up, I realized that I will choose my own path because this is the moment that I will spend the rest of my life. What kind of life do I aspire to have? What are the things that I want to pursue in life? What kind of legacy would be left if I die? What kind of contribution that would give so many impacts on people? Last but not least, what kind of people I want to spend the rest of my life with? (Yeah, people, the whole community, humans are social beings, right?).
Here’s the thing, I would like to say this but at the same time, I need to be extra careful of choosing the words without offending anyone. What I’m trying to say: I don’t need anyone’s permission or validation regarding my happiness. My life has been wonderful for the past 24 years (and still counting), my life has been ‘well-designed’ based on what I’ve chosen, I have my own customized-personality that cannot be compared with anyone else, half of my dreams have been fulfilled, my family and friends are supportive for my own path, I don’t need to get out from my comfort zone or discovering other ‘way of life’ because I already have found my own. I can (proudly) say that I already have such a solid personality and way of life that I won’t let anyone else ruin that.
Why do I say this? Here’s the thing, I’ve witnessed so many people are dictated to give up their dreams, their life’s opportunity, their ambition, their life goals, last but not least: their true self, because they are afraid of losing someone. Yeah some people have (or are forced to have) the willingness to lose themselves to keep someone in their life. Some people have an alibi “B-b-but this is for your own good!” for my own good… or for your own ego? Some people need to know the difference between reminding and dictating. If there was someone ever said to me that I had to let go of the most valuable thing in my life in order to be loved by someone, or said “If you love someone, you have to let go this and that…”, I’m sorry to say I would bravely say no. I truly believe that there are persons out there who would love every strength and weakness inside us. Most importantly, they would love every valuable thing we have and support any positive ambitions we have dreamed of, and it goes both ways. I don’t need anyone to ruin anything I’ve built after all this time.
Perhaps one thing that we need to ask ourselves first before ‘dictating’ someone’s life: “do we love them for what we imagine them to be or do we love them for who they really are?”
I don’t want somebody ‘new’ to come to my life, altering my life for the sake of winning his/her own ego as if I worship him/her, without witnessing what I’ve been through after all this time. That would be the meanest thing someone could ever do to me for ‘killing’ my true self.
LR
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
